I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
