Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
