he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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