Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
