Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
