my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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