Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
