and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we should paint friendship bongs
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