I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
