I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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