there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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