ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
