I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
