i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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