when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm at about main and main street
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
