She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize