i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
