i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
