I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
