I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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