I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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