So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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