im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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