oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He felt like a one man threesome
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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