I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
