Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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