is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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