Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
