Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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