He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize