Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
