I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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