the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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