My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
