I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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