you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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