Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
