I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
