I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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