Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
