"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
