Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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