Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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