am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
home. puking in laundry basket.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
