Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
false alarm. still invincible.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
