So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize