was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
