I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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