The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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