The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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