At least make sure they are 18
Why
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
