im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
