I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
