her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
