I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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