The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
