cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize