the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
