I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
