last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
