6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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