Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
