are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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