i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
