The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
