I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
