My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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