Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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