i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize