My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
