I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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