it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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