now i know why i became what i already was.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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