I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
