The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
