Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
should my penis look like a turkey
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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