in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
