what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
