i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
