I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
50% drunk capacity currently
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
