Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
