True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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