i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
